She's Got Game Page 12

  Which is exactly why I avoided him. I didn’t want to fall for him. Didn’t want to wake up in the morning only to find him bragging to his friends about winning a bet, like Don. Didn’t want to spend months or years with him only to have him walk away like my mother.

  A one-night stand with another gamer was a bad idea. Giving into temptation when I didn’t think I’d be satisfied with only one night was even worse. I didn’t want a relationship. Not with Cody, not with anyone.

  “I’m not looking for a hookup. I really like you.” When he spoke, his voice was low. “Open your eyes. Look at me. Please.”

  I shivered, and despite myself, rubbed my cheek against his hand. He didn’t move, as if he was as afraid to break the spell as I was.

  I didn’t want to admit this was happening. A drunken almost kiss was no big deal. A kiss on a dare was forgivable. But this moment was different. My airplane beers had worn off the seventeenth time my young seat mate threw a Lego at me. No one dared me to do anything, except possibly myself. I sat alone in the cab with my number one competition, his hand cupping my face, and every synapse in my body screamed at me to lean in and taste him.

  The front door slammed shut. At the sound, I jumped to the far corner of the cab. Cody dropped his hand and turned to look out the window. Spell broken, I leaned forward and gave the driver the address where I’d rented an apartment for the weekend.

  The silence in the car thickened as the vehicle pulled away from the curb. I stared out the window, steadfastly refusing Cody’s last request.

  Outside, the scenery whizzed by. Silence filled the car, thickening, growing more uncomfortable by the moment. Finally, I caved. Since we were stuck in the car together for at least the next forty minutes, I might as well make polite conversation. This might be my chance to find out something about Cody, finally. “So you travel for work a lot?”

  “Yeah. I do research and development for a major corporation, so they send me around to gather information from consumers all over the country. Sometimes I visit factories to watch how things are made or talk to the designers. Other times, I’ll interview people who’ve used a product to get their opinions. People tend to be more receptive to in-home visits than phone calls or email.”

  “That’s cool. So you fly around and snoop into people’s lives?”

  “That’s one way of putting it. We pay them, though.” He grinned, and my stomach flip-flopped. “I also spend a lot of time compiling data, which is less exciting. Well, I used to. My role’s changing.”

  “Sorry to hear that. Your job sounds cool.”

  Too bad I never thought to ask him what he did earlier. The one time it came up, it seemed like a touchy subject. It sounded like we had a lot in common. If I’d known, I could’ve even arranged…No. The end of that thought sounded much too much like thinking about breaking my rule. Making an exception for Cody would only end badly.

  “It pays the bills. But I’d like more stability,” he said. “Don’t you ever get tired of sleeping in a different place every night?”

  I shook my head. Maybe we didn’t have much in common after all. “I love it. Nothing to tie me down, new food and adventures behind every turn. I’m living the dream! The only thing that would make it better, I’d expect, is to do it all on someone else’s dime. I have some sponsors, but a salary or a per diem would be nice.”

  “Maybe. Then again, you get to go where you want, when you want. Visiting Small Town, Pennsylvania for the fifth week in three months isn’t the most exciting. Plus, like I said, it gets lonely.”

  “That’s what apps are for.”

  In the front seat, the driver snorted. Cody turned red and looked away. “That’s not what I meant.”

  Sure it wasn’t. A guy who looked like Gilbert Blythe didn’t need apps; all he needed was to head down to the hotel bar for an hour. Like many women, I could do the same, but I liked to have more options than whoever happened to wander through the front door.

  “Tell me something,” he said suddenly. “Why are you so opposed to relationships?”

  “Some people weren’t meant to live happily ever after.”

  “That’s bullshit. Come on. Something happened. Are you really going to let one guy who screwed you over put you off love forever?”

  I didn’t want to answer him. I certainly didn’t want to talk about my history while looking at him, didn’t want to see his eyes fill with pity. Shifting my body, I sent my gaze back out the window. He waited, letting the silence between us grow. In the window, he continued to watch me, a curious expression on his face.

  He’d told me a little about himself. Not much, but it was the most I’d gotten in several months. He’d admitted wanting to get to know me better, having feelings for me. After I’d been so hot and cold with him, it seemed like the least I could do is tell him why. Or maybe I was tired of keeping everything bottled in.

  “It’s my mom.” I said finally.

  “Your mom wanted you to fall in love? What a monster!”

  His comment drew a very small smile out of me. Then her expression in New York City swam before my eyes, and my breath hitched. I forced myself to take a deep breath. I couldn’t lose it in front of Cody. Not now. “No. My mom never wanted anything from me at all. She left when I was ten. And I haven’t heard from her since.”

  But I did run into her less than two months ago and she pretended not to know me, and it felt like the day she left all over again. Only worse, because back then I got to hope she’d be coming back. To my horror, tears welled in my eyes. I gazed down at my fingers in my lap.

  Cody’s hand settled over mine, but I couldn’t look up at him. He rubbed his thumb across mine. Comforting, not sexual. “I’m sorry. That must’ve been rough.”

  “Yeah, but I guess… I thought I was over it.”

  “Does anyone ever really get over that kind of loss? Sure, you grieve, you move on, but you’re not the same person you’d be if she’d stayed.”

  “Maybe, but at the same time, if she’d stayed, Dad would’ve been miserable. They were never happy,” I said. “My parents dated in high school. They were only sixteen when I was born. Dad was completely in love with my mother. He’d do absolutely anything for her–and he did. He dropped out of school to get a job. He married her as soon as they were old enough. He worked to put her through college and medical school. He gave up everything to make her happy. And in the end, what did it get him? Nothing.”

  Talking about Beverly always frustrated me. Opening up to someone I didn’t want to like frustrated me more.

  “You’re wrong,” he said softly.

  “What?”

  “Your father got something amazing for his efforts. He got you.”

  His words made my heart beat faster. I shifted in my seat, finally turning to look at him. His face seemed sincere. It wasn’t a line. “Thank you.”

  “You don’t need to thank me. Just don’t think you’re a burden or that you need to apologize for being you. You’re pretty great.”

  This Cody was very different from the one I first met. Still confident and sure of himself, but not nearly as cocky. I liked talking to him, even though he somehow got me to open up about things I never wanted to talk about. But the way he spoke, the way he looked at me made me want more.

  “Did you eat peanuts on the plane?” I asked.

  “No.” He turned pink, as if he guessed where my thoughts headed. “I haven’t eaten anything with nuts since that night.”

  That was the sweetest thing anyone ever said to me. I must’ve misheard him. “You gave up all nuts, a month ago, because you accidentally gave me an allergic reaction?”

  “No. I gave up all nuts because I didn’t want to give you any more reasons to avoid kissing me.”

  His words sent a jolt through me. Sure, I always asked people I was dating to keep the PB&J away when we were together, but
no one had ever voluntarily given up all nut-based foods. It was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard.

  Who needed flowers or poetry when this guy changed his entire diet for me?

  Without thinking, I leaned across the empty seat and turned his face to mine. My lips found his. He sighed into my mouth, which opened eagerly. Our tongues met, and his arms came up to encircle me. I strained against him, as close as possible within the confines of the seatbelt. A small moan escaped me.

  The taxi halted suddenly, and my seatbelt jerked me back against the side of the car. I stared at Cody, breathless, until the taxi driver’s voice intruded in my thoughts. “Here we are!”

  My hand burned, and I realized my fingers still curled into the hair at the nape of Cody’s neck. No idea how they got there. No idea what to say next. I’d thought a small taste would be enough, but now I realized how I I’d been. With Cody, I always wanted more.

  But I couldn’t have it, and it was stupid to tempt myself. He may have listened to my sad story, but I still didn’t know what, if anything, I wanted from him.

  Fumbling at my seatbelt, I shot out of the car and onto the sidewalk. Cody followed.

  “Oh, no. I’m not inviting you in. That was just…a thank you, I guess. For being so considerate.”

  “Most people don’t use their tongues to say thank you.” He worked his mouth open and closed for a second, mouthing the words. “Actually, I suppose they do. Never mind.”

  Unbidden, a laugh escaped me. He was so adorable. So wrong for me. Still the competition. Still a gamer. Still looking for more than I could give him. “Cute. You’re still not coming inside with me.”

  “Okay.”

  The taxi driver looked at us uncertainly, but continued to unload the suitcases. I asked him to take Cody’s back. Once Cody shoved a stack of bills at the driver, he left the bags on the sidewalk and got into the front seat. A moment later, the cab vanished.

  “What are you doing?”

  He pointed at an apartment building across the street. “I’m staying there.”

  A strangled sound escaped me. “No. I’m staying there. I already said, you’re not coming in with me.”

  “I’m staying there, too. Your blog about rooftop gardens inspired me. There aren’t a ton of reasonably priced rentals in Chicago with rooftop gardens, at least not near the hotel. I picked this place.”

  “So now you’re invading my personal time, too?” See what I got for being nice to him? I should’ve known better. I jerked at the handle of my suitcase, which lurched forward, slamming into my knee. The impact made my teeth click shut on my tongue, and tears sprang to my eyes. Wonderful. Just what I needed.

  To his credit, Cody didn’t react to my uncharacteristic clumsiness. “If I admit I hoped we’d run into each other, will it make you more or less mad at me?”

  Ugh. How did this guy always manage to make me feel like such an asshole? I couldn’t control myself when he was around.

  “I don’t know,” I admitted. “There’s a fine line between sweet and stalker. Time will tell. But I’m not sleeping with you.”

  “Okay.”

  “I mean it.”

  “I know, and I believe you,” he said. “But I also know you kissed me as if your life depended on it in the cab, and I know this type of connection doesn’t come around often. I can wait.”

  “It’s not a connection. It’s frustration.”

  “Heat. Passion. Fire. Why are you so afraid to admit it?”

  My fingers itched to slap the satisfied expression off his face. “Because you’re the competition. I need to focus on winning, not on distractions.”

  “Yeah, you’ve mentioned that,” he said. “What happened? You hooked up with some guy once, and he knocked you out of the competition after?”

  His words hit so close to home, I struggled to keep my expression neutral. He never needed to hear the truth.

  He continued, “Sounds to me you’re afraid to take a chance on a real thing, and you’re using whatever happened before as a shield.”

  Suddenly, I had no idea what drew me to him. “Thanks, Dr. Laura. I’m sorry I ever got in that cab with you.”

  “Or maybe you’re upset because I want you to admit you have feelings.”

  This conversation was going nowhere. Eager to leave him behind, I lengthened my stride. “Being in a relationship takes time and energy I don’t have. I’m a nomad. Thanks to the internet, I can find anything I need anywhere I go. Life is good.”

  “You can’t find love on the internet.”

  “I said I can find ‘anything I need.’”

  Inside the lobby of the building, we stopped and gave our names to the woman at the concierge desk. This place was nicer than most of my normal haunts, but the owner gave me a good deal in exchange for letting him use my pictures when he listed the place for sale in a few weeks.

  Cody followed me to the elevator. As I reached for the call button, he spoke again. “You can’t spend the rest of your life cutting people out because of what happened with your mom.”

  The elevator arrived, swallowing my groan of frustration. I stabbed at the button. Unfortunately, there was no way to prevent him from entering the car with me. “Please stop with the armchair psychology.”

  He didn’t answer. What a nightmare. I needed out of this elevator. I gazed at the numbers above the door, willing the elevator to move faster. The silence thickened.

  Finally, he said, “What can I do to convince you I’m not a bad guy?”

  Crossing my arms over my chest, I sighed. “I don’t think you’re a bad guy. I think you’re the competition, and one who’s growing more and more annoying each time we run into each other.”

  “Sorry. I’m not trying to annoy you. I just want to know you.”

  “But I’ve told you, I don’t want to know you. Not like that.”

  “Then why did you kiss me in the cab?”

  I glared at him. “Temporary insanity.”

  “What can I do to make you trust me?”

  “Promise not to kiss me again.” Because when he got too close to me, I couldn’t think about anything else. I barely remembered the name of the game we’d come to play, to say nothing of the rules.

  “Not to split hairs, but you kissed me.” I glared at him, desperately trying not to betray the swoony feelings in my chest. I would beat this. Just needed a nice long shower with a detachable shower head. When I didn’t answer, he said, “Fine. I promise not to kiss you.”

  “Okay, then. Deal.” We shook, and I stepped out of the elevator.

  As the doors closed, his soft voice followed me down the hall. “But I won’t promise not to kiss you back.”

  Damn him.

  Chapter 12

  Cody’s words stuck with me as I surveyed my home-for-the-weekend, unpacked, took pictures, and posted a quick blog about the deal site where I booked this reservation. Despite my cracks about the armchair psychology, it bugged me that an almost-stranger understood me so well. Losing my mother did hurt, and it absolutely affected my worldview. For a long time, I’d been avoiding romantic entanglements. Dad had been so hurt when she left, and I never wanted to feel that kind of pain. Then there was the deep down fear that maybe I wasn’t good enough, so she left. Despite what my friends said, despite the self-help articles I’d read online, shaking those feelings took time.

  Now, I’d met someone who claimed to care about me. Who enjoyed spending time with me, but claimed to want more. Who liked playing games with me and my friends. Who seemed like a genuinely nice person. Part of me wanted to set aside all my fears and go for it, especially after our kiss in the taxi. We had a connection, both physical and emotional. I wasn’t looking for it, but ignoring my feelings wasn’t making them go away. Unfortunately.

  I hated knowing he was upstairs, a couple of flights away. I loved not knowi
ng what room he was in. After all, it wasn’t like I could go knocking on doors looking for him. Not that I wanted to.

  This was stupid. Cold shower, early to bed, and stop thinking about Cody, I told myself firmly. Great plan.

  An hour later I’d devoured takeout from a place down the street and spent roughly twenty minutes staring at the ceiling, pretending to think about anything but him. Not the competition or how I’d beat him, which would almost be acceptable. No, I kept thinking about the way his mouth felt on mine and the taste and smell of him. Why couldn’t I feel this way about a nice, normal chef or accountant or airport worker? Why did it have to be another gamer? Not any gamer, but the gamer to beat. Ugh.

  With a growl, I threw the covers back and pulled on a pair of yoga pants. Since sleep wasn’t happening, I might as well go check out the rooftop deck that inspired me to rent this room in the first place. Grabbing a beer out of the fridge and slipping into a pair of flip-flops, I took the stairs. Maybe physical exertion would make me tired, if nothing else.

  The gust of fresh air pouring through the rooftop door when I opened it made me feel slightly better. I’d been expecting stars to pepper the night sky, stretching endlessly in every direction. Instead, thick storm clouds hovered on the horizon. In the distance, lightning danced on the surface of Lake Michigan. A breeze ruffled my hair, moving toward the storm, pushing the clouds. Below me, the lights of Chicago spread across the landscape in an imitation of the unseen stars.

  Someone put a lot of love into this deck, carting up dirt and stones and flowers to create a glorious garden. Dozens of flowers covered the surface, with paths between the rows leading to a mini-oasis with a couple of chaises. Paradise, right here in the middle of one of the largest urban areas in the country.

  I took a long pull from my beer, leaning on the balcony and looking out, wondering what everyone else was thinking about.

  This wasn’t my first trip to Chicago, and it wouldn’t be my last. Something always brought me back. So different from Boston, but a fun city with a great personality of its own. This was why I loved my job. This was why I travelled, finding new places and hidden gems.